Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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