We're facebook friends in real life
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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