Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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