I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
