took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Found your dick twin last night
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
