she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
