the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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