Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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