is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
