I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
accomplished twins. life is a go
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
