Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
