is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
