Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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