you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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