your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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