There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Two words: nipple clamps
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