I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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