I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
