Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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