Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
