Cold hands, warm shart.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
