can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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