I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
