did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
