Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
