after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
