but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
