look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You are a genius and a whore.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
