Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
