I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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