By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
