I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
