Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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