pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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