My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
