I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
