I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
