Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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