it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is this like a preordered booty call?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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