I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
