You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
