I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
is it fun? or sober?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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