I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
