So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
