we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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