I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
