ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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