we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i think i just lost a toe
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
