3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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