Having a random hookup so left but love u
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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