Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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