I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
