I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
