i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
