i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
