Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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