Just fell off a train. Bad.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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