I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
