I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
