The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
