i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
