If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
