It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
